Spectacularly Medicore

Lucy, Deanna, and I were watching an episode of House. You know, the TV drama about medical mysteries. I think this is like the third time I've gone through the series. I'm actually starting to remember how some of the cases pan out.

That's not the point. This episode is from the early seasons. A partially paralyzed jazz musician goes into the hospital with pneumonia. The musician has been told the paralysis comes from ALS. House thinks that it's something else. Towards the end of the episode, House is yelling at Foreman. He says something to the effect...

What you did was great. Wrong, but great. You took a chance and did something great. You should feel great that you did something great. You should feel crappy that it was wrong.

To me, this sums up the difference between mediocrity and excellence.  Mediocre people feel bad that something didn't go their way. Excellent people feel bad that they did something wrong. Still confused?

The word I associate with this is intentionality. Make a choice. Do something because you choose to do it. The reason doesn't matter. You believe that it's right and you act on that belief. You intentionally decide to follow one course over another, fully accepting responsibility for the consequences if it's wrong.

Just saying that you thought it was right isn't enough. Too many times that's used as a cop out- well, I thought it was right so I'm not to blame for it being wrong. Yes, you are. Believing that something is right doesn't change the fact of it being right or wrong. Denying the fact that it was wrong is also wrong. And it's just another way of shifting the blame, avoiding responsibility.

Queue the Bible Reference

You had to know it was coming 😀. Jesus talked about this when He said don't be afraid. Paul says boldly approaching the throne of grace. Choose, believe, and act - trusting in the truth that God is bigger than our mistakes. Even when I'm wrong, He knows and has the power to redeem my mistakes. Don't be afraid. Don't let the fear of being wrong paralyze you. Or push you into the safe choice because, well, you might look bad.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not advocating reckless behavior. Actions have consequences. You still have a responsibility to the people affected by those consequences to make an informed decision. This is not an excuse for rashness. Consider the costs. Use the information at your disposal. Get more if needed. Then choose, believe, and act.

As much as the Bible talks about faith, it never asks for blind faith. In the book of Romans, Paul talks about God calling people. He reaches out to us, in real, tangible ways. Yes, I accept that what He tells me is true - because He told me. But it's not blind.

When I make a wrong decision, I feel bad that is was wrong. I feel bad that my wrong decision had consequences on someone else's life, though hopefully minimal. Feeling bad is what drives me to learn how to not make the same mistake again. Shame is not an evil emotion - when it drives us to fix the problem.

Wallowing in shame is bad. Accepting shame for someone else's wrong decision is bad. Like pain, shame signals that something is wrong. And like pain, when it overwhelms us, we make more bad decisions. The shame becomes the object of our focus. We're intentional about removing the pain. And lose sight of fixing the problem.

And this is why Jesus described His relationship with God as I am in Him, and He is in me. Jesus ran every decision by His Father. Every single one. And went where the answer led Him. He never doubted God's love or power. Don't be afraid of being wrong. And still be aware that it happens. Live for excellence. God dreams big. Especially when He dreamed of you.

A Stitch in Time

Read a quote the other day about how much time affects our perception. Actually, the person was trying to explain how ignoring time changes our perspective. I remember that Jesus spoke a lot about eternal life. It was a cornerstone of His message - the really good thing that God gives. So how would your life change if you lived forever?

If you can't starve to death, are you worried about putting food on the table? If you don't need to buy food, why rush to work in the morning? Cool, huh? I never realized how much of my life is defined by the march of time. Thinking ahead, plans - these are the things that I do. Forever just makes them look so small. And less of a burden.

Now let's really blow your mind. Imagine time from God's perspective. The idea that all of this forever has already happened. He is looking at the end result - a final, static, snapshot of the finished product. Time doesn't matter.

Trapped in this world as I am, I see cause and effect. I see change. I see this thing that flows from one moment to the next and I can't look forward. I have enough trouble looking back 😊. God sees it all as one. When He says I forgive you, He means all of it. From the beginning of time to the end. This caught me by surprise.

We ask for forgiveness as something happens. I see these events as discrete, single points in time. God doesn't. When Jesus died, when He paid the price and God accepted His sacrifice, He already saw everything I still haven't done yet. That hurts my brain. His acceptance was already knowing exactly who I was and what I would do. His forgiveness came in one moment, and it covered every moment. He forgave all of it. I wonder if He even sees each little sin as something separate?

The Bible talks about how God set all things in motion. He told each and every atom how it would spin and what other atoms to bind with. We say natural law. It's God's software - His instruction set for His creation. He put these things in place, but never stepped away. Because He put every moment in place. God created a picture and called it forever. We see pieces of the picture unfolding and think of it as something to control. He sees it as a done deal and something to enjoy.

God created us in His image. Some part of us understands this dichotomy of time. Even trying to think this through, I can feel the struggle. My brain can't wrap itself around this idea. And my soul is jumping up and down screaming yes, yes, yes. Jesus was the perfect balance. His body submitted to His spirit. So these two completely different points of view resolved themselves, bridging the gap. He can approach God because He understands God. He can hold onto us because He also understands us.

How awesome is that - to know the one person who successfully perfected the spiritual?

Avatars

A friend and I have been discussing the movie Ready Player One. I really enjoy the weird rabbit holes that her brain goes down. They're always interesting. She turned the movie around a bit. Imagine, she says, a world where your avatar reflects who you really are, and not the fake persona projected in the real world. If you're really a devil, in this virtual world you would be a devil and act like a devil.

I'm not sure I like this idea. I know the dark places in my soul. Well, that's not totally honest. I know some of them. And the fact that there are even darker places scares me. But this weekend, I started to wonder if that's really what she's looking for. My friend made another comment - about being anonymous in this virtual world. So the things you do no one knows that it's you. I get the sense that what she's really looking for is a place to let go.

This is really the same desire that drives me to withdraw. A safe place where you don't fight anymore. Where this constant struggle between who you are and who you should be goes away. I get tired of the fight. It's easier to just let go, be who you are, and stop fighting. I don't like the person that I am.

That didn't come out right. There's a story about an old American Indian chief sitting with his grandson. He tells the grandson, "There are two wolves inside of every man. One wolf is peace, love, happiness, gratitude, kindness. The other wolf is jealousy, fear, vengeance, all the evil things in this world. These two wolves are constantly at war. Each tries to kill the other." The grandson thinks for a moment then asks, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" His grandfather replies, "The one that you feed."

This story is what I see in my friend's comments. A war, to the death, of these two people inside us. And the war never stops. Not until one of them dies. Just like any other exertion, it is so very tiring. As human beings, we have this dichotomy always inside of us. A selfish part that looks out for me. And another that sees other people. One part full of excuses, self justification, resentment, turmoil. And this other part that wants to bring harmony, peace, and joy. They are strong. They are circling. And always in this brawl for the deepest parts of who we are inside.

How appealing is a virtual world where you just let that selfish wolf out? Stop fighting and just let it run wild? Feed him. Because he'll stop hurting us if we just feed him enough, right? I think that's the saddest part - he won't. The truth is that wolf never has enough. We are his food. This is the very nature of addiction. It always wants more, until it destroys everything. And just like in the movie, you spend all of your time on Facebook - oops, sorry, I meant to say in the virtual world. 

A Real Place

Okay, that wasn't quite where I expected this to go. I believe that my friend is going to get her wish. That one day we will be part of a world where the real us, the deepest secrets of who we are, will be manifest around us. In churchy circles, we call them heaven and hell.

What's going to happen at the final judgement? All of our actions, motives, and desires laid bare. Imagine standing before a God who knows not just your reasons, but the exact neurons that fired in your brain because of those reasons. You can't lie to Him. You can't hide what was done when no one was looking. There are no excuses. No justification. Who you are, the wolf that you fed, will stare you in the eyes. And you will fully be the person that you are.

This is why the apostle Paul talks about transformation. A change of who we are. The struggle happens because the change isn't complete. This is the hope that Jesus offers. When the judgement comes, when we see ourselves as God sees us, He will finish the change. The struggle ends. One of the wolves dies. One of them wins. And the person everyone sees will be the person that I am inside.

The Worth of a Woman

So a friend at work was telling me a bit about Indian/middle Eastern culture. The subject of dowries came up. In the family she knew, they took pains to pay equal dowries for each daughter-in-law. Apparently, the size of the dowry affected your worth in the family. The person we were discussing made the comment I'm worth more than that. I think that's what struck a cord - how this woman valued herself by what someone gave her.

I have to admit that I don't fully understand the idea of a dowry, or its original purpose. Sorry, I grew up in suburban America. What it did was start me thinking about how I would value a wife. What makes her worth?

I think of Proverbs 31:10-31 as the gold standard. Verse 12 sums it up nicely - ...does him only good and not evil all the days of her life. The chapter describes a manager. A woman who manages her household. She has business acumen to consider large purchases. Sets people in motion doing the chores and getting things done. Takes pride in how her house runs, in her accomplishments. She values her family.

Generosity, preparation, planning, integrity - even her children recognize these. They key here is an emphasis on the spiritual. Beauty is important. Don't get me wrong, beauty is nice. Sorry ladies, men really do appreciate a nice looking woman. The odd thing is, a woman who values her spirit will look nice anyway.

See, integrity means that character affects everything. When you take care of stuff, you will naturally take care of yourself. The human brain assigns value by combining several factors into a single point. For example, when you go to the store, you experience both satisfaction and dissatisfaction. Your brain automatically combines these two feelings into one. It weighs them both, like waves converging, and produces a single feeling. You experience this as feeling good or bad about the visit.  If you think about it, though, you could express both good and bad elements of the visit.

Feelings are singular. Thought can be complex. When a husband looks at his wife, he measures both her character and her beauty. Here's the thing - the brain doesn't measure satisfaction and dissatisfaction equally. One is weighted higher than the other. A woman of poor character needs a lot of beauty to make up the difference. And she better keep that beauty. Because when it goes, there is nothing left on the satisfaction side of the equation.

Character stays forever. Beauty changes all the time. I lost 50 pounds. Of course, I gained them first. Grey hair creeps in. Your body changes. It's inevitable. And one day, you will get sick. Trust me, beauty is the last thing on your mind when you're in pain. But the person you are inside is always there.

Value

Along these lines, I've been thinking how value is imputed. Value is given. You cannot take value. You do something, be someone, that another person considers valuable. They give value. You don't deserve it. You are not entitled to it. The corollary is that your value depends on someone else.

We have this innate fear of things we cannot control. You cannot control your value. Let that sink in a second. You have no control over your own value. Does that frighten you? It scares me.

We want some right answer. A formula that if we do this thing, then we get what we want. The Bible paints a very different picture. God values the person we are, not the things we do. He talks about righteousness, wisdom, and a love that leads us to obedience. Looking for God through rules always fails. 

He does this on purpose. Rules give us control. If the law justified, then we control whether we obey it or not. We can take our value. Remember that I said value is given? Control rests in the hands of the giver. God controls Your value. So what do you have that He finds valuable? Who are you that He values you?

Rain Drops, continued

So my last post was about a song. And it sounded pretentious. Way too negative. There is this great song, and I picked out one line. Every other word is true. The song has a great message. So why complain about one line?

Bad writing. Sorry, I'm not perfect. I still stand by the message - trials aren't mercy in disguise, God's mercy is so big that it comes through the trials. But it doesn't mean the song is wrong. God also asks us to do hard things. And I don't think that will change.

Remember how God sees all of eternity as a single, still moment? He sees all of these things that He has for us to accomplish. Because of our perception of time, we see that He asks us to do things. He sees exactly how it plays into those great things. We have to catch up. So yes, His mercies come through difficulties.

The difference lies between difficulty and suffering. Suffering comes from sin. Mine, yours, someone else's. Doesn't really matter. Difficulty comes because, well, things are hard. Muscles grow when you work them. We grow as God works us. Just because something is difficult doesn't mean that it's bad. Things that hurt your feelings aren't necessarily insults.

God shows mercy when He takes suffering and turns it into difficulty. No good comes from suffering. Sin always leads to death. God is too big, too loving to accept that. He redeems suffering by infusing life. And they become difficulties that bring us closer to the person He sees us to be. That's a great message for a song, don't you think?

Rain Drops

So the song Blessings by Laura Story caught my attention. There's a line in the chorus - maybe Your blessings come through rain drops, maybe Your healing comes through tears. It reminds me of Paul's statement in Romans 6 - should we continue in sin and practice sin as a habit so that grace may increase and overflow? Paul spent the preceding chapters showing how God's grace was more than the depths of our sin. In chapter 6, he addresses the notion that sin is necessary for grace.

I think God's blessings come in spite of the rain drops. His mercy in spite of the tears. Hear me out for a second. God is the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow. If His grace is so great, wouldn't it be just as great if we never sinned? If He is the same, wouldn't He show the same love, mercy, and grace? Think about filling a hole with dirt. You dig a hole, then put the dirt back in. What if you never dug the hole and still put the dirt there? You end up with a cool pile of dirt. Didn't you love climbing piles of dirt as a kid?

God is a creator. Every act He performs brings life. That is His nature. In our sin, we take control away from Him. And in spite of that, He still brings something good out of it. Redemption is an act of creation - creating good from something that isn't. Redemption is God's way of showing us that no matter what we do, He is still bigger than we are. He will always have His way. We can scheme. We can fight. We can go to the mats and destroy everything. It is never enough that He cannot make something new, something good from it. 

His blessing come even when the rain falls, not because of the rain. His blessing come when the sun shines. We just don't see it as clearly. Contrast has a way of making things stand out. 

Working Like a Mule

Today's Bible reading came from Psalm 32. Verse 9 caught my attention.

Do not be like the horse or like the mule which have no understanding, whose trappings include bridle and rein to hold them in check, otherwise they will not come near you.

I'm deathly afraid of writing this next sentence - so I'm just going to do it. It reminded me of my ex-wife. You've met people like this. They just won't do the right thing unless you force them to do it. It really drives me crazy. I have a hard time fathoming that. You're supposed to do the right thing because it's the right thing.

I've talked before about going too far in the other direction. Where everything became about rules and regulations. And it took God's teaching to understand that those rules can't replace Him. I still have to be very specific when I ask Vania to do some task. She has limited understanding because of her brain development. And I am so thrilled when she does something beyond it.

Deanna and Lucy are another matter. I expect a much higher level of understanding. I think this is what the New Testament refers to as maturity. Too often, I think of maturity as being less naive. I'm questioning that today. What if maturity means understanding? That endless thirst to learn more.

King Solomon, in Proverbs, said the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. At that point, he assumed that you want wisdom. That wisdom is something worth pursuing. We are designed with an infinite capacity to learn.

I'm not just talking about memorization. We've taught monkeys and dolphins memorization. I'm talking about deep learning. Not just facts, but reasons, lessons. Understanding is the point where learning changes your life. A horse can be led and will follow. But set them loose, and all of that goes away. They will naturally revert to their wild natures.

That's a sad thing to watch in a human being. Paul calls this the fruit of the flesh. God's very first command was rule over the earth and subdue it. The spirit subdues the flesh. It is the bridle and rein that leads the horse. God's Spirit leads my spirit. My spirit leads my flesh. Understanding is the mechanism that changes raw facts about the world into a spiritual action.

What are your thoughts?