The Worth of a Woman

So a friend at work was telling me a bit about Indian/middle Eastern culture. The subject of dowries came up. In the family she knew, they took pains to pay equal dowries for each daughter-in-law. Apparently, the size of the dowry affected your worth in the family. The person we were discussing made the comment I'm worth more than that. I think that's what struck a cord - how this woman valued herself by what someone gave her.

I have to admit that I don't fully understand the idea of a dowry, or its original purpose. Sorry, I grew up in suburban America. What it did was start me thinking about how I would value a wife. What makes her worth?

I think of Proverbs 31:10-31 as the gold standard. Verse 12 sums it up nicely - ...does him only good and not evil all the days of her life. The chapter describes a manager. A woman who manages her household. She has business acumen to consider large purchases. Sets people in motion doing the chores and getting things done. Takes pride in how her house runs, in her accomplishments. She values her family.

Generosity, preparation, planning, integrity - even her children recognize these. They key here is an emphasis on the spiritual. Beauty is important. Don't get me wrong, beauty is nice. Sorry ladies, men really do appreciate a nice looking woman. The odd thing is, a woman who values her spirit will look nice anyway.

See, integrity means that character affects everything. When you take care of stuff, you will naturally take care of yourself. The human brain assigns value by combining several factors into a single point. For example, when you go to the store, you experience both satisfaction and dissatisfaction. Your brain automatically combines these two feelings into one. It weighs them both, like waves converging, and produces a single feeling. You experience this as feeling good or bad about the visit.  If you think about it, though, you could express both good and bad elements of the visit.

Feelings are singular. Thought can be complex. When a husband looks at his wife, he measures both her character and her beauty. Here's the thing - the brain doesn't measure satisfaction and dissatisfaction equally. One is weighted higher than the other. A woman of poor character needs a lot of beauty to make up the difference. And she better keep that beauty. Because when it goes, there is nothing left on the satisfaction side of the equation.

Character stays forever. Beauty changes all the time. I lost 50 pounds. Of course, I gained them first. Grey hair creeps in. Your body changes. It's inevitable. And one day, you will get sick. Trust me, beauty is the last thing on your mind when you're in pain. But the person you are inside is always there.

Value

Along these lines, I've been thinking how value is imputed. Value is given. You cannot take value. You do something, be someone, that another person considers valuable. They give value. You don't deserve it. You are not entitled to it. The corollary is that your value depends on someone else.

We have this innate fear of things we cannot control. You cannot control your value. Let that sink in a second. You have no control over your own value. Does that frighten you? It scares me.

We want some right answer. A formula that if we do this thing, then we get what we want. The Bible paints a very different picture. God values the person we are, not the things we do. He talks about righteousness, wisdom, and a love that leads us to obedience. Looking for God through rules always fails. 

He does this on purpose. Rules give us control. If the law justified, then we control whether we obey it or not. We can take our value. Remember that I said value is given? Control rests in the hands of the giver. God controls Your value. So what do you have that He finds valuable? Who are you that He values you?