Just Being With You

I watched an episode from the TV show Monk last night. The police captain stays with Monk for a few nights. While he's there, the captain keeps straightening the coffee table. If you're not familiar with the TV show, Monk is a detective with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). When they argue about the table, the captain observes that every other piece of furniture sits at a clean 90 degree angle. But Monk keeps setting the coffee table askew.

At the end of the episode, they show a scene of Monk with his late wife. She is sitting on the couch with her feet on the coffee table. She asks Monk if he's tired. He says yes, lays down and puts his head in her lap. The coffee table is positioned for her feet.

That picture, the comfort and safety he found by curling up and being with her. They exchanged something. I'm just not sure what. She gave him something. And it meant so much that he keeps the table the way it used to be. It was a spiritual exchange.

It reminds me of two people and conversations we've had. With one person, their significant other says "I just like having you here." It upsets this person. Makes them feel like an empty show piece.

The other person is someone I tell "I just like being with you." At first, I wanted them to feel comfortable with the silence. We don't need to fill the empty spaces with words. We can have our own social contract - one that benefits us. In a sense, we exchange something spiritually. I don't quite understand it yet.

What makes the same words a comfort to one person and an insult to another? Is there something underneath the words that matters more?

Consider the first person. If the words are all there is, then even if I told them that I enjoy just being in their presence, I would also be insulting them. It would be impossible for this person to ever have someone enjoy them. But if the words are merely a physical manifestation of something spiritual, then the person who says those words can make a difference in the outcome.

Or in language I've used before - the quality of the fruit depends on the quality of the tree. Saying the words doesn't make them true. And it certainly doesn't guarantee a result. There is something - Someone - deeper, underneath the sounds and definitions.

Why is this even bouncing around in my head? I'm looking for hope. I'm looking for a reason to trust. That's hard when all words look like lies.