Give and Take

So I've been comparing two scenarios in my head, looking for why one person was manipulative but the other was not. 

The first scenario involves the ex. I learned some information she intentionally withheld. Important parenting information. And this isn't the first time. Sadly, it happened quite a lot. It makes me feel deceived and manipulated.

On the flip side, I think about my friend at work. I distinctly remember a couple of times she had to ask me to do something. And something was part of my job. It wasn't an unreasonable request. Her demeanor made me think she thought that I was going to bite her head off. When people around me act in fear, I have this innate desire to put them at ease. It's some kind of weird reflex.

Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I realize that my friend wasn't afraid. She knew my workload. She was softening her request because I might feel overwhelmed. Oddly, it worked. That silly reflex made me glad to help. But don't tell her that.

Focus

Was my co-worker manipulating me? No, but why not? Sorry, it's never enough to just answer the question. I want to understand why. 

She adapted her delivery based on her understanding of my feelings. I say that, well, because she said that - I know you have a lot to do. I have tried for over hour to do this on my own. And I'm just stuck. More importantly, I think, she didn't take the decision away from me. Those weren't excuses. They were context so that I could make an informed decision.

My ex focused on her own feelings. I think that's an important point. It reminds me of when Jesus says whoever gives up his life will find it. God has the best sense of irony. By focusing on my feelings, my friend ended up feeling good and getting what she wanted. But that wasn't her motivation.

Receiving

Spiritual things cannot be taken. They can only be given. Manipulation is one person taking from another. This is different than asking, inviting. At some point, the thing becomes more important than the person giving it. When that happens, you step into manipulation. And yes, I catch myself trying to do this too.

We are never entitled to spiritual things. For example, God is not obligated to forgive me. He does, which is just crazy. But He doesn't have to. In the same way, He never obligates me to worship Him. I do because I want to. Spiritual things are given.

You can never take what you need spiritually. You will always lose it. We absolutely rely on someone else to give us what we need. Because that's the only way to find it.