Obedience, revisited

I've been thinking over obedience lately. I think it gets a bad rap. We tend to associate obedience with controlling. As a matter of fact, I've known people to use that very misconception as an excuse for being disobedient.

In the early stages of a relationship, obedience often comes with a significant measure of obedience. For example, when I first started in my current job, I did a lot of exactly what I was told. I complied a lot. That's how I learned. It's how I earned the trust of the people I serve. 

After a while, I began asking if I could change something. When several of those worked out (and a few didn't), they began asking for input. Our relationship grew based on trust. Obedience plays a key role in establishing trust. The goal of obedience was and always is a deepening relationship.

God established this early on. The very first books in the Bible spell out a lot of rules. In the early stages of His relationship with us, obedience involved a large degree of control - compliance. But it doesn't stay there. The people considered heroes in the Bible all showed faith. Obedience established trust. Trust brought a deeper relationship.

Obedience in marriage is not about control. It's about communication. It establishes roles. A husband bears responsibility for the decisions he makes. God clearly expects those decisions to involve sacrifice on his part, place his family's needs above his own, and fall in line with God's own principles.

A wife can and should give input to her husband. She has an obligation to persuade him. That takes work learning his style, lingo, and preferences. Manipulation occurs when he's deceived about why. Persuading your husband to move in a direction God asks = very good. Saying that just to get your own way = very bad. Do you understand your own motivations that well?

The goal is always trust. When practiced over many years, the lines become blurred. That's okay. That's what should happen. Proverbs 31 describes a desirable wife as one who conducts business independently, but in coordination with her husband. Rather than control, her obedience led to greater responsibility and a deeper relationship. 

God starts us out on the easy stuff - just like I did with my kids. As we mature through out obedience, He gives us more responsibility and more complex situations. And once you think you've got it, blam! He'll hit you with something that doesn't fit anything you think you understand. There is always more.

Obedience is not training. Dog's are trained. People obey. Obedience comes from the obedient person. Training comes from the master. They're backwards of each other. Training makes the dog subservient. Obedience elevates your stature. Sounds weird, right? How can doing what someone else says make me more? Because every relationship has 3 people - you, me, and God.

Should a wife express her opinion, desires, and ideas? Absolutely. Obedience merely describes the how, not the what. It's how you approach your husband, boss, pastor, God, etc.. That you should approach him is never the question.

Does that make sense? Am I rationalizing? I don't know. I need to learn a little more.