Connection

 I'm struggling with a mix of emotions right now. And they're all related to a couple of things that happened recently.

A few weeks ago, one of my elementary school teachers was arrested. It might be valid, and it might be a false accusation. Honestly, I have no idea. My point is that today I remembered having a dream about being in elementary school again. I saw the gym where we waited for school to start in the winter. Even walked through it in my dream. Then a friend sent me the news clipping about this whole scandal. I didn't make the connection until today.

I say this because something similar happened this week. I started out in a funk this week. Irritated at every little thing. And a vague feeling of powerlessness. I have been wracking my brain (and praying) about why. Today, my ex e-mails me. She gave my youngest daughter a phone and set up an second Google account.

My daughter has had an Android tablet for several years. She has history, e-mail, and content already under a Google account. My ex has received, accepted, and declined appointments for years that went to my daughter's account. Yet the ex set up a brand new one. Threw all of the history and purchases out the window. (Sorry, I'm still mad. It bleeds through.)

That was all in motion earlier this week - during the funk. I think my feelings were related to those actions. Spiritually, I felt my ex's hurtful actions.

My friend at work calls us empaths. We get along so well because we understand each other. I think empathy means more than just emotions. I think it's more spiritual. It expresses itself through emotions. Empathy may come through the part of the brain that deals with our own emotions. Makes sense. I re-use subroutines all the time.

I don't understand the mechanism. Do we all have this? Is it part of our spiritual being? Is it God speaking, guiding? Preparing me for something that's coming. Is it because the spiritual realm isn't constrained by time. And I'm feeling spiritual changes before they become realized in the physical world? Is this what we lose when we die to the spirit?

I think God does use this mechanism to speak. I think He uses empathy to the extent the person feels empathy. Empathy is not a measure of connection with Him. Not all empaths live in the Spirit. And not everyone in the Spirit has the same empathic ability. Like everything else, I think God created me with a unique combination and tailors our relationship that way.

Concrete Application

Ever heard the justification I'm not hurting anyone but myself? I'm here to say that's a lie. I am hurt, whether you meant that or not. I am hurt because I feel it. You can't change that. You can't stop it. You can't control it. When I connect with someone, their feelings invade my own - like this week.

You are hurting someone. I spent two decades married to this woman who told me every day that her sin is my fault. My oldest two daughters hurt me rather than feel remorse or shame. An old "friend" who told me I was wrong because I didn't obey her social rules on Facebook - just because she didn't like the facts in what I said. I am surrounded by people who impose their feelings on me. Define right and wrong on their feelings. Yet have no regard whatsoever for mine.

I'm a thinker. I internalize everything. I think that's selfish. Placing ones self at the center of the universe - everything revolves around your feelings. But don't point that out.

A scorpion always stings. And the emperor has no clothes. People are messy. I'm no exception.