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 To my daughter...

You know how important you are to me. I'm writing this so you can read it on your own terms - as opposed to another dad lecture. We both know that you're a fine young adult. Old habits die hard.

You seem to be searching for something, moving from job to job. I would like to suggest that what you're looking for will only be found in Christ. Every step of the way, He has provided for you. Each of these jobs that seem to come out of nowhere are examples of His hand moving. The dissatisfaction you feel inside comes from a conflict between what He wants and what your own desire for control. And I say this from experience - long, hard experience.

We live under the illusion that our lives are full of choices. What do I wear today, do I call in sick, what to eat. I propose that we use these "decisions" as a distraction from the real choice we face every second of every day - do I live in hope or in fear. 

You dressed very nicely last night for taking pictures - hope. When I feel down, I dress in sweats and dumpy t-shirts. I eat better when there's hope. Comfort food is usually not the healthiest. See how the simple choice between hope and fear shapes all the other things?

That's why the Bible focusses so much on the hope we find in Christ. It says perfect love drives out fear. Hope is the mechanism. Faith in the love of Christ gives hope for the future (1 Corinthians 13:13).

The way we do that is by building a relationship with Jesus. I just finished reading the book The Four Loves, by C.S. Lewis. Lewis describes four different types of love. What struck me most was that each type never exists independently. They all build on each other. The more intimate forms are always built on top of the other forms. All close relationships begin with the generic love of affection.

I point that out to say, just start. How doesn't matter. Read the book I gave you. Read the Bible. Yell about all the terrible things going wrong. Cry and be afraid. Write morning pages. Go to church. It doesn't matter. Pick one. Make one up. Just start. There is no wrong way. And there is no right way. Christ doesn't wait for us to reach Him. He meets us where we are. So be there, and let Him be there with you. (Revelations 3:20)

God has a plan for you. You are important to Him, much more than you are important to me. He has spent a considerable amount of time and energy making sure that whatever happens, it doesn't kill you. Waiting patiently for you to allow Him to have a relationship with you.

Let me end by saying how proud I am of you. You have shown an immense amount of maturity. Doing whatever it takes to fulfill your responsibilities. And taking responsibility for your own life. God has the plan and the power for you to accomplish amazing things. Find that strength. There will be no stopping you.

Love, Dad.

Addiction as a Spiritual Problem

 I'm in a literal mood today. That's the premise of this conversation - addiction is, at its core, a spiritual problem. 

A while ago, I described how much I like rules. Some recent events brought it back to mind, along with the most basic rules I have. They start with the name God used for Himself - I am. Personally, I think that is just the best name. Two simple words, yet they carry so much weight. God declares that He exists and that He exists separate from us. Descartes said I think, therefore I am. God starts even simpler with no justification or primary cause. Anyway, it leads me to these rules.

1. God exists.
2. God is personal.
3. There is right and wrong.
4. Everybody rebels against what is right.
5. We know the rebellion is wrong.
6. We lie to ourselves in an effort to cover it up.
7. And by "we", I mean me and everybody else in this world.

This all started with my daughter Deanna. She is in the middle of transitioning jobs. In order to make ends meet, she sold her bed and her Nintendo Switch. The bed was one that she purchased by saving her chore money. She worked for that bed. I'm very proud of her for digging in and fulfilling her responsibilities. She sacrificed to do what was right.

It reminded me of a friend who has also stepped up in her life and taken responsibility. She is currently struggling with some habits that she wants to give up. And that brings me to the topic at hand.

We feel it, in our spirit, when we fight with God. I don't want to what He asks. I want to twist it to make it mine. He asks for generosity, it becomes a way to control - indebt - people. Even something as simple as writing this post becomes a days long struggle with depression, eating, and a bunch of other stuff. All because He asked me to do it. The rebellious part of me doesn't want to. Consciously, I do want to obey. Yet there still exists a piece that fights tooth and nail against it.

That's why addiction is so easy. Repetition trains our body. I felt good once doing X. X felt good the second time too. Whenever I want to feel good, I should do X. I feel bad when I don't get my way. So I'll do X to feel better without facing the underlying issue.

Gossip

 Someone in our small group brought up a devotional about gossip. It sparked some good discussion about what is gossip. I think of two examples.

Person A talks about how this or that person made them feel bad. They did something to hurt person A. This person even has special code phrases. Their words sounded like they were just sharing, letting me inside their head. They recounted events like facts. They complained. And nothing changed. 

Person B sounds, to my ears, very similar to person A. They talk about their interactions with other people. Describe what happened, how they felt, internalizes what happened, and deals with the relationship. Person B also complains about their job and coworkers from time to time. Then deals with the problem.

I believe person A gossips and person B does not. Why? For person B, I'm a sounding board. They have not asked me to take their problem or assume responsibility. Sometimes, person B wants my input. And sometimes, they simply need to share a burden. Person B asks for strength and wisdom. These are things that I can give.

Person A expected something from me - usually judgement against another person. Other times they expected me to assume their responsibility. I think this is a major component of gossip. The gossiper takes something from the person listening. They take something that isn't mine to give.

Not a very satisfying definition, is it?