Distraction

In the car, on the way to Vania's choir, it occurred to me that God created us for distraction. And, ironically, I got distracted from writing.

So my thinking goes like this... God created us. He knows how our brains work. He intentionally created our brains to work this way. Jesus told us that the kingdom of heaven is made of people who are child-like (trusting, full of wonder and mystery, curious, learning, growing). We're fallen, broken people. We've twisted what God gave us.

Rockhouse Center bases their counselling on the idea (fact?) that addiction comes from dis-ease, a discomfort in our soul. Addictions are a result of our own attempt to distract ourselves from this discomfort. Our body, brain, can't resolve the conflict. So it finds some way to ignore it. After all, if we pretend that it's not there, then we never have to deal with it.

This distraction takes many forms. The most egregious being substance abuse. But it also includes Facebook, shallow relationships, dysfunctional families, blabbering, complaining, work, and just about anything that we use to take our minds off our own pain.

Here's the problem - distraction doesn't solve anything. Morphine may take the pain away. But the cancer will still kill you. Lack of pain is not the same as healed. You have to know what's wrong before you can fix it.

I do a lot of fixing in my job. And that's one thing I'm sure my manager doesn't like hearing. I have to know the problem before I can fix it. Symptoms are not the problem. Symptoms point me in the direction of the problem. (side note... I have a great manager who understands this and lets us fix the underlying causes when it's appropriate).

Our problems boil down into spiritual needs not being met. The discomfort we feel is a constant struggle between our body and our spirit. The body wants to solve our spiritual problems. Does that sound ridiculous? It is. And that's why distractions never work.

We allow our bodies this control because our spirit does not submit to God. Our spirits aren't big enough to control the universe. Shoot, my spirit can't even control my body, let alone anything else outside of me. And this is  why my distractions fail.

But I started this entry with the premise that God created us to be distracted. He built into us this mechanism that ignores repeatable events. Then He created a sun that rises every day and food that grows for us. And still asks us to be thankful. Doesn't that seem a little weird?

Something in my head isn't right. I notice differences that a lot of other people have learned to ignore. I'm a slow learner 😊. Believe me, it is annoyingly distracting. My kids often wish I didn't notice these things. It comes off as being a perfectionist. It's not about perfection. I want to ignore those things. Why? Because there are so many other, more important things to notice.

God created this huge, vast, universe just chock full of mysteries and beautiful things. There is always more. We learn to ignore the mundane because He always intended us to see the more majestic things that He's done. We ignore the sun rising and instead look at the black hole millions of light years away and wonder why it's there. What mysteries did God hide inside?

When distracting myself from pain, I am trying to take something away. When distraction lets me see God's greatness, it is filling me. See the difference? One distraction takes away. The other adds to. Distraction isn't bad. It was, as everything God created, intended for more. What are you distracting yourself from, or to?

Short and sweet

I've been picturing this conversation. A woman is talking with her friend. Her friend asks her "What's the most frustrating thing about your husband?" The woman thinks for a second and replies, "He has this uncanny ability to see my true motives." Her friend gives her a puzzled look. The woman continues, "When we fight, he sees the things running under the surface. These are things that I am trying to distract myself from. And he pulls them right back front and center."

"It took a while, but we've worked out a system. When that happens, I say I'm not ready to look at that yet. And he knows that I'm really asking for strength, not introspection. So he listens. And he's very good about listening."

"When we're done, then it's my turn. I tell him how much it meant that he listened. How I appreciate him walking along side me. And we share a moment."

"Wow", says the friend. 

"But it can't stop there," the woman continues. "I do have to face myself. Usually the next day, we sit down and talk about those things that I didn't want to face. They can't go unresolved. It's funny how much easier it is, though."

Spectacularly Medicore

Lucy, Deanna, and I were watching an episode of House. You know, the TV drama about medical mysteries. I think this is like the third time I've gone through the series. I'm actually starting to remember how some of the cases pan out.

That's not the point. This episode is from the early seasons. A partially paralyzed jazz musician goes into the hospital with pneumonia. The musician has been told the paralysis comes from ALS. House thinks that it's something else. Towards the end of the episode, House is yelling at Foreman. He says something to the effect...

What you did was great. Wrong, but great. You took a chance and did something great. You should feel great that you did something great. You should feel crappy that it was wrong.

To me, this sums up the difference between mediocrity and excellence.  Mediocre people feel bad that something didn't go their way. Excellent people feel bad that they did something wrong. Still confused?

The word I associate with this is intentionality. Make a choice. Do something because you choose to do it. The reason doesn't matter. You believe that it's right and you act on that belief. You intentionally decide to follow one course over another, fully accepting responsibility for the consequences if it's wrong.

Just saying that you thought it was right isn't enough. Too many times that's used as a cop out- well, I thought it was right so I'm not to blame for it being wrong. Yes, you are. Believing that something is right doesn't change the fact of it being right or wrong. Denying the fact that it was wrong is also wrong. And it's just another way of shifting the blame, avoiding responsibility.

Queue the Bible Reference

You had to know it was coming 😀. Jesus talked about this when He said don't be afraid. Paul says boldly approaching the throne of grace. Choose, believe, and act - trusting in the truth that God is bigger than our mistakes. Even when I'm wrong, He knows and has the power to redeem my mistakes. Don't be afraid. Don't let the fear of being wrong paralyze you. Or push you into the safe choice because, well, you might look bad.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not advocating reckless behavior. Actions have consequences. You still have a responsibility to the people affected by those consequences to make an informed decision. This is not an excuse for rashness. Consider the costs. Use the information at your disposal. Get more if needed. Then choose, believe, and act.

As much as the Bible talks about faith, it never asks for blind faith. In the book of Romans, Paul talks about God calling people. He reaches out to us, in real, tangible ways. Yes, I accept that what He tells me is true - because He told me. But it's not blind.

When I make a wrong decision, I feel bad that is was wrong. I feel bad that my wrong decision had consequences on someone else's life, though hopefully minimal. Feeling bad is what drives me to learn how to not make the same mistake again. Shame is not an evil emotion - when it drives us to fix the problem.

Wallowing in shame is bad. Accepting shame for someone else's wrong decision is bad. Like pain, shame signals that something is wrong. And like pain, when it overwhelms us, we make more bad decisions. The shame becomes the object of our focus. We're intentional about removing the pain. And lose sight of fixing the problem.

And this is why Jesus described His relationship with God as I am in Him, and He is in me. Jesus ran every decision by His Father. Every single one. And went where the answer led Him. He never doubted God's love or power. Don't be afraid of being wrong. And still be aware that it happens. Live for excellence. God dreams big. Especially when He dreamed of you.

A Stitch in Time

Read a quote the other day about how much time affects our perception. Actually, the person was trying to explain how ignoring time changes our perspective. I remember that Jesus spoke a lot about eternal life. It was a cornerstone of His message - the really good thing that God gives. So how would your life change if you lived forever?

If you can't starve to death, are you worried about putting food on the table? If you don't need to buy food, why rush to work in the morning? Cool, huh? I never realized how much of my life is defined by the march of time. Thinking ahead, plans - these are the things that I do. Forever just makes them look so small. And less of a burden.

Now let's really blow your mind. Imagine time from God's perspective. The idea that all of this forever has already happened. He is looking at the end result - a final, static, snapshot of the finished product. Time doesn't matter.

Trapped in this world as I am, I see cause and effect. I see change. I see this thing that flows from one moment to the next and I can't look forward. I have enough trouble looking back 😊. God sees it all as one. When He says I forgive you, He means all of it. From the beginning of time to the end. This caught me by surprise.

We ask for forgiveness as something happens. I see these events as discrete, single points in time. God doesn't. When Jesus died, when He paid the price and God accepted His sacrifice, He already saw everything I still haven't done yet. That hurts my brain. His acceptance was already knowing exactly who I was and what I would do. His forgiveness came in one moment, and it covered every moment. He forgave all of it. I wonder if He even sees each little sin as something separate?

The Bible talks about how God set all things in motion. He told each and every atom how it would spin and what other atoms to bind with. We say natural law. It's God's software - His instruction set for His creation. He put these things in place, but never stepped away. Because He put every moment in place. God created a picture and called it forever. We see pieces of the picture unfolding and think of it as something to control. He sees it as a done deal and something to enjoy.

God created us in His image. Some part of us understands this dichotomy of time. Even trying to think this through, I can feel the struggle. My brain can't wrap itself around this idea. And my soul is jumping up and down screaming yes, yes, yes. Jesus was the perfect balance. His body submitted to His spirit. So these two completely different points of view resolved themselves, bridging the gap. He can approach God because He understands God. He can hold onto us because He also understands us.

How awesome is that - to know the one person who successfully perfected the spiritual?

Avatars

A friend and I have been discussing the movie Ready Player One. I really enjoy the weird rabbit holes that her brain goes down. They're always interesting. She turned the movie around a bit. Imagine, she says, a world where your avatar reflects who you really are, and not the fake persona projected in the real world. If you're really a devil, in this virtual world you would be a devil and act like a devil.

I'm not sure I like this idea. I know the dark places in my soul. Well, that's not totally honest. I know some of them. And the fact that there are even darker places scares me. But this weekend, I started to wonder if that's really what she's looking for. My friend made another comment - about being anonymous in this virtual world. So the things you do no one knows that it's you. I get the sense that what she's really looking for is a place to let go.

This is really the same desire that drives me to withdraw. A safe place where you don't fight anymore. Where this constant struggle between who you are and who you should be goes away. I get tired of the fight. It's easier to just let go, be who you are, and stop fighting. I don't like the person that I am.

That didn't come out right. There's a story about an old American Indian chief sitting with his grandson. He tells the grandson, "There are two wolves inside of every man. One wolf is peace, love, happiness, gratitude, kindness. The other wolf is jealousy, fear, vengeance, all the evil things in this world. These two wolves are constantly at war. Each tries to kill the other." The grandson thinks for a moment then asks, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" His grandfather replies, "The one that you feed."

This story is what I see in my friend's comments. A war, to the death, of these two people inside us. And the war never stops. Not until one of them dies. Just like any other exertion, it is so very tiring. As human beings, we have this dichotomy always inside of us. A selfish part that looks out for me. And another that sees other people. One part full of excuses, self justification, resentment, turmoil. And this other part that wants to bring harmony, peace, and joy. They are strong. They are circling. And always in this brawl for the deepest parts of who we are inside.

How appealing is a virtual world where you just let that selfish wolf out? Stop fighting and just let it run wild? Feed him. Because he'll stop hurting us if we just feed him enough, right? I think that's the saddest part - he won't. The truth is that wolf never has enough. We are his food. This is the very nature of addiction. It always wants more, until it destroys everything. And just like in the movie, you spend all of your time on Facebook - oops, sorry, I meant to say in the virtual world. 

A Real Place

Okay, that wasn't quite where I expected this to go. I believe that my friend is going to get her wish. That one day we will be part of a world where the real us, the deepest secrets of who we are, will be manifest around us. In churchy circles, we call them heaven and hell.

What's going to happen at the final judgement? All of our actions, motives, and desires laid bare. Imagine standing before a God who knows not just your reasons, but the exact neurons that fired in your brain because of those reasons. You can't lie to Him. You can't hide what was done when no one was looking. There are no excuses. No justification. Who you are, the wolf that you fed, will stare you in the eyes. And you will fully be the person that you are.

This is why the apostle Paul talks about transformation. A change of who we are. The struggle happens because the change isn't complete. This is the hope that Jesus offers. When the judgement comes, when we see ourselves as God sees us, He will finish the change. The struggle ends. One of the wolves dies. One of them wins. And the person everyone sees will be the person that I am inside.