More or Less

I've been trying to understand the spiritual side of sex. You probably already know that I have a weird way of looking at the world. The idea of hooking up or dating for the purpose of sex holds a very physical appeal. Yet there's something inside of me that resists. I try talking myself into something that I know is wrong. That tells me there's something more I don't understand. How can I turn down a puzzle like that?

Let me start by acknowledging that this internal resistance is probably a combination of how my brain works and God's protection. I obsess. I go all in and focus myself on one thing at a time. He knows this about me. I completely accept that He uses how my brain works to protect me from myself.

That begs the question, protects me from what? Sex is perfectly natural. God's first command was be fruitful and multiply. He told Adam and Eve to have sex, basically. So why all the other commands around when to have sex?

The flesh, our body, is a physical thing. As such, it has limitations. I'm only so tall, weigh so much. I can't jump very high. I only run so fast (or slow, in my case). Our body, our brain, is acutely aware of limitations. I overcompensate out of a fear of missing out (FOMO).

We rush around doing things before we run out of time (aka die). I want more money because there's a finite supply available. My body tries to eat more than it should to have a larger store of energy (aka fat). The flesh consumes. It's never satisfied. Why? Because you can always run out.

The spirit, on the other hand, has no limitations. It exists in infinity. My spirit stops me from eating myself to death. The spirit always sees more. It knows there is no end.

The flesh wants things. The spirit wants a person. And I think this is the conflict around sex - the flesh fighting against the spirit. Like everything else, the flesh overdoes it out of fear, at the expense of the spirit.

Balance

I've mentioned the 4 motivations before - wisdom, power, wealth, and esteem of others. We look for a balance of these four in our work. We also look for that same balance in our lives. I think sex is no exception. Sex involves both physical and spiritual. I think we look for our sex lives to include all 4 boxes (motivations).

Wait, how does sex involve wisdom? Remember that wisdom is a spiritual need met through spiritual means. I believe this is what would be called connection. A friend noted to me that most women look for an emotional connection first. Believe it or not, men do too.

I think the old adage men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love incorrectly ascribes motivations. I'm of the opinion that men and women want the same things, we simply approach it from a different angle. 

And this is where the English language leaves something to be desired. We use the word emotion to cover both chemical reactions and spiritual states of being. Happiness is chemical. Joy is a state. Sadness is chemical. Sorrow is spiritual. Different chemical reactions drive men and women. Our physical emotions come out differently. 

When those emotions express a spiritual state, it's easy to confuse the two. Men and women have the same spiritual needs, desires. The physical manifestation of those comes across differently, because, well, we're physically different.

Do Not Be Afraid

Fear makes bad choices. Remember, fear comes from the flesh, from limitations. Because it's physical in nature, fear imposes limits. You cannot chose righteousness out of fear. Fear puts everything off balance. It magnifies the physical and minimizes the spiritual. Instead of touching 4 boxes, fear traps us in two. We go unfulfilled. Which of course, creates more fear.

We, and the world around us, were always intended to be controlled by the spirit. That piece of us that understands eternity. Even though the spirit observes entropy, it can imagine God renewing and breathing life back into decay. The piece that knows even though I will die, there's still more. Always more, beyond what I can see. My limitations do not limit God. Hope.