The Letter
I've been thinking about what you said - how Vania annoys you. And I know you don't like lectures. I was hoping a letter might be more palatable. You can read it at your own pace, or simply ignore it. Our discussion reminded me of a story that Jesus told (Matthew 25).There was a big land owner. He was going away on business, to sell some of his harvest in a neighboring country. He planned to be gone for a couple of months. So this owner called in his three top supervisors, one at a time. He told them about the trip, gave them some last minute instructions, and then gave them each some money. The first supervisor got $5,000. The second guy received $2,500. And the last guy got $1,000. The owner asked them to manage the money for him while he was gone. Off he went.
Two months later, the owner came home. He had made a decent profit on the trip and was looking forward to hear how his lands were doing. He calls the three supervisors in to give a report. The first man steps forward. he says, "I know that you own a lot of land. You find fruit trees in the wild and harvest from them. You grow crops. You expect every piece of land to produce. So I took your $5,000 and did a little trading in the market place. Now it's $10,000 with the profits."
The owner just had this beaming smile on his face. "That's fantastic!" he said. "I'm going to put you in charge of my biggest plot of land and all the profits from it. Nicely done."
The second man then stepped forward. He said, "I know that you expect hard work and excellence from everyone who works for you. I bought a small business with the money you gave me. Here is $5,000 in profits."
Again, the owner got a big smile and says, "Great work. You took what I gave you and doubled it. I have a couple of farms in the next town that I would like you to oversee. I'm proud of you."
So the last guy steps up. He says, "I know that you expect a lot. There are a lot of ways to lose the money. I was afraid of disappointing you. So I buried it. Here is your $1,000 back."
Now this guy expected praise. After all, he didn't lose the money. Instead, the owner gets angry. "You lazy, evil man! How could you do this? You know what I expect from everyone who works for me! You know that I want every field, every worker to turn a profit. I'm not in business to waste money sitting under the dirt. Your fear is just an excuse for your laziness. You're fired. Get out of my sight." He took the $1,000 and gave it to the supervisor who made $10,000.
Okay, so I took the liberty of modernizing the wording. Same gist. You really have two choices with Vania, continue to let her annoy you or step up and make your time with her profitable. You have considerable talent and great intelligence. Teach Vania. She already knows how to solve problems. Teach her about right and wrong. Teach her new skills to solve her problems on her own. Learn about her. Study her. Most of all, be the person that you want her to be. Vania will follow your example more than your words. Not always, not perfectly. You have the opportunity to invite Vania to be a better person. To take what you've been given and turn a profit.
I also realize that doesn't change the reality that Vania is annoying. She takes a lot of emotional energy. And you already feel empty. Lucy, I can't change Vania and I can't change you. I can listen. You are free to tell me just how annoying she is. You are always welcome to call, talk, write, whatever you like and tell me how you feel. No judgement. No advice. No lectures. If you will trust me enough to talk, I will trust you enough to do the right thing.
When faced with problems, I find it helpful to also talk out potential ideas. If you ever just want to throw out ideas and see what sticks, I can listen to them too. I may even have some that you can take and customize - because you're good at that.
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