Why I Write

I want to re-visit the topic of morning pages. I know, I know - you heard this before. Stop being so crazy, Dad. Its embarrassing.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to say what I want to say anyway. Sorry, kiddo.

Let's talk about prayer. I find it kind of sad that churches never really teach you how to pray. Sure, at some point you'll hear a sermon on the Lord's prayer. The pastor picks apart its structure. He'll give you some list of the kinds of things to pray - an outline, a formula. It feels like a formula, an incantation. Follow the rules and your prayer is good. We like rules. The world makes sense when there are rules. Rules mean control.

It makes us angry when people break the rules and get away with it. Or worse, prosper from it. Yeah, her name popped into your head, didn't it? Take a deep breath.

Prayer is about connection. God doesn't want the right words, He wants your words. There are no formulas, no outlines, no wrong things to say. Words express ideas, feelings, thoughts. God listens to those - the feelings, desires, and pain behind the words. We try and hide these things behind litany. Saying the right words becomes an excuse for not saying what we really mean. We hide behind the words. And the connection is broken.

God created you in His image. You are designed for relationship. Creation was the action. Relationship is the outcome. When you create, when you paint a jar, read a book, or just dream about the future - you connect with God. You mimic His action. You learn from Him - like children learn by imitating their parents. God wants that connection. He wants you to grow and learn. The Christian life isn't about going to church, being a missionary, or anything else we consider religious. It is connecting with God. He created us all uniquely. And He wants you.

The bad news is that sin gets in the way. Sin takes our eyes off God. It stands between Him and us, breaking the connection. When the rules stand in the way, when the right words stop us from really connecting, they are sin. How weird is that?

Morning pages serve one purpose, and one purpose alone - connect with God. We throw away the rules. No spelling, no grammar, no limits. You write down whatever pops into your head. There will be things that make you ashamed. Things that make you angry. Things that make you cry. Things that make you smile. Things that you could never tell anyone. Morning pages are the place to face those things. Give them voice. Because an odd thing happens, God listens.

The Bible calls our sin nature the flesh. And it is sneaky. The flesh lies about how things can never change. It tells you that you can never be good enough. The flesh will tear down everything you do - the colors aren't right, it should be brighter, you're not good enough to paint, those lines aren't even straight. The flesh speaks fear, anger, and condemnation. It makes you frightened and ashamed.

In Artist's Way, she calls the flesh the Critic or the inner critic. It criticizes. The morning pages help you move past the critic. You open your heart so God can work. The morning pages are a form of acceptance - accepting who you are.

Read the Psalms sometime. I think of them as David's morning pages. Morning pages are a place to let go. Be angry, be sad, yell, scream, kick. Tell God how He ruined Your life. Tell Him how much you hate... whomever. The morning pages are that place to let go - to never worry about the person on the other end. And when I take that little, tiny step of honesty, God reaches the rest of the way, across miles.

Morning pages are prayer. This is how you pray. Alone, just God and me. God knows all about me. He knows that I don't always understand what I feel. He knows that my emotions go off the deep end and take on a life of their own. And He accepts me. He listens to what I want to say, not the words that I use. I don't have to say it perfectly. He understands me anyway.

I think of the trouble we have understanding your little sister. I feel like her a lot. I keep saying the words and nobody gets it. When she sits at night and makes her grunting noises, she speaks a language none of us understand. Those are her morning pages - when she lets loose without fear. I want that for you too. (Not the grunting, the letting loose.)

Don't get me wrong - morning pages are only the start. As God connects with you, He will show you what happens next. Tiny little steps, always in the right direction. The morning pages start the journey. They are the housekeeping that moves everything along smoothly. Once you open yourself to God, He works. And when you connect with Him every morning, you will find yourself more and more feeling like Him - joy, peace, love, content - in a word, happy.

I originally intended to write a tutorial on the how of writing morning pages. But I can't possibly explain it better than The Artist's Way. It's the very first chapter. Not Week 1, the chapter before Week 1. If you read nothing else of the book this summer, please read that one chapter. And follow through with it. I won't ask. You never have to tell me.

You exist for a reason. God loves you because you exist. He loves you for a reason. Talk to Him.