Teaching By Example

Lucy and I recently had a conversation about Vania - my youngest. Vania is autistic. That makes her a bit of a challenge at times. And this weekend has had a few of those times...

The Letter

I've been thinking about what you said - how Vania annoys you. And I know you don't like lectures. I was hoping a letter might be more palatable. You can read it at your own pace, or simply ignore it. Our discussion reminded me of a story that Jesus told (Matthew 25).

There was a big land owner. He was going away on business, to sell some of his harvest in a neighboring country. He planned to be gone for a couple of months. So this owner called in his three top supervisors, one at a time. He told them about the trip, gave them some last minute instructions, and then gave them each some money. The first supervisor got $5,000. The second guy received $2,500. And the last guy got $1,000. The owner asked them to manage the money for him while he was gone. Off he went.

Two months later, the owner came home. He had made a decent profit on the trip and was looking forward to hear how his lands were doing. He calls the three supervisors in to give a report. The first man steps forward. he says, "I know that you own a lot of land. You find fruit trees in the wild and harvest from them. You grow crops. You expect every piece of land to produce. So I took your $5,000 and did a little trading in the market place. Now it's $10,000 with the profits."

The owner just had this beaming smile on his face. "That's fantastic!" he said. "I'm going to put you in charge of my biggest plot of land and all the profits from it. Nicely done."

The second man then stepped forward. He said, "I know that you expect hard work and excellence from everyone who works for you. I bought a small business with the money you gave me. Here is $5,000 in profits."

Again, the owner got a big smile and says, "Great work. You took what I gave you and doubled it. I have a couple of farms in the next town that I would like you to oversee. I'm proud of you."

So the last guy steps up. He says, "I know that you expect a lot. There are a lot of ways to lose the money. I was afraid of disappointing you. So I buried it. Here is your $1,000 back."

Now this guy expected praise. After all, he didn't lose the money. Instead, the owner gets angry. "You lazy, evil man! How could you do this? You know what I expect from everyone who works for me! You know that I want every field, every worker to turn a profit. I'm not in business to waste money sitting under the dirt. Your fear is just an excuse for your laziness. You're fired. Get out of my sight." He took the $1,000 and gave it to the supervisor who made $10,000.

Okay, so I took the liberty of modernizing the wording. Same gist. You really have two choices with Vania, continue to let her annoy you or step up and make your time with her profitable. You have considerable talent and great intelligence. Teach Vania. She already knows how to solve problems. Teach her about right and wrong. Teach her new skills to solve her problems on her own. Learn about her. Study her. Most of all, be the person that you want her to be. Vania will follow your example more than your words. Not always, not perfectly. You have the opportunity to invite Vania to be a better person. To take what you've been given and turn a profit.

I also realize that doesn't change the reality that Vania is annoying. She takes a lot of emotional energy. And you already feel empty. Lucy, I can't change Vania and I can't change you. I can listen. You are free to tell me just how annoying she is. You are always welcome to call, talk, write, whatever you like and tell me how you feel. No judgement. No advice. No lectures. If you will trust me enough to talk, I will trust you enough to do the right thing.

When faced with problems, I find it helpful to also talk out potential ideas. If you ever just want to throw out ideas and see what sticks, I can listen to them too. I may even have some that you can take and customize - because you're good at that.

Merry Christmas

Let me ask you something - what was so bad about being born in a stable? I grew up hearing how there was no room in the inn. And it always sounded so horrible that Jesus had to be born in a stable. But why?

Mary and Joseph had been travelling for weeks. They had slept on the ground. Got to Bethlehem in a caravan. So all of a sudden, all these people show up at the motel (inn). Mary is preparing to deliver a baby. For those of you who have seen, it's noisy and messy. Didn't the inn keeper give the only private room he had? 

Normally, the inn might have a few guests at any time. Even now a days, a motel isn't full during off seasons. But this huge crowd just showed up. Could you imagine being the family asked to share your room with someone delivering a baby? The stable was private. No one else was out there. Poor Mary probably didn't want a crowd of people around watching her deliver a baby.

But a stable's dirty! Well, so was the dirt floor most houses had. And guess what people used to fill mattresses? Straw! After spending weeks sleeping on the ground, a bed of straw probably wasn't so bad. It's easy to clean afterwards - because delivery is messy. Yeah, they used a manger as a crib. Why? Because you don't want the baby sleeping on the ground. 

For the day and age, were these accommodations really all that bad? We like to think - ugh, the inn keeper pushed them away. Or was he/she actually trying to help?

Prince or Pauper

Now if you compare Jesus' birth with that of other kings, then yes, His was not what you would expect. His birth was more middle class than royal. It was, well, normal. At least up until God intervened.

The birth of a royal son brought cause for celebration. True, any parent is excited when a child's born. But the first royal son meant an heir. This was the future king. More than just the pride of a parent, it meant continuity of government. The king represented law, order. 

I'm thinking of the king's highway in Tolkein's Lord of the Rings trilogy. One of the books talks about how it was well traveled when a king sat in Minas Tirith. The king had patrols that walked the road and kept it safe from robbers and bandits. Without a king, you had to defend yourself and travel with caution. 

The king didn't patrol the road himself. He probably didn't even know the people who did it in his name. What the king did was organize all of those people. He set the standard of expected behavior and watched for deviants. We call it law and justice. Having an heir means avoiding a bloody fight over who gets to be king next.

That's the message the angels brought - an heir is born! In those times, the son carried on the family business. He inherited from the father. This is the picture the angels painted calling Jesus the Son of God. Jesus was the heir apparent. And His life was preparation for His inheriting what was God's.

Inheritance

The Bible refers to Satan as ruler of this world and prince of the air. It also describes Jesus as king of all creation, which, last time I checked, included this world. Now look at how each of these went about getting the same thing. Satan took it. He used deceit, manipulation, and pain. He struck back at God because God wouldn't do what Satan wanted. If he didn't get his way, then he would hurt God. Satan wasn't helping Adam and Eve. He was purposefully hurting them to hurt God.

Jesus obeyed. Surrendered His glory, stepped out of eternity and allowed Himself to be limited by space and time. Then, in the end, let Himself die. And His only reason was because God asked Him to. For His obedience, God gave Jesus that authority.

Satan took. Jesus received. Satan bases his kingdom on pain and destruction. Jesus built something new through love, humility, and grace. This is the kingdom that He promised. This is what God was celebrating, what we celebrate, at Christmas. Inheritance. A gift - not from death but a reward for life. To make more life.

Forever

I can't imagine what it was like stepping into time. From looking at "forever" as if it was a picture into being caught in it. Never knowing exactly what was coming because you just can't hold that anymore. Where you have to experience everything one moment at a time. 

We're born this way and it seems "normal" to us. Yet it isn't. You know, I have times when I feel a struggle inside but nothing's happened to struggle over. Then it could be hours or days later "the other shoe drops". And I can feel the uncertainty slip away. The uneasiness goes away as everything seems to click into place. What happened caused dis-ease earlier. I wonder if that's how the spiritual works? The spiritual battle takes place before it manifests in the world.

So I say that to point out that even we human beings experience the spiritual. We can know that what is in this world isn't all there is. We spend a lot of time and effort either trying to find that something or avoiding it. This is the struggle that Jesus stepped into.