I wanted to talk about trust. Oh no - another letter from Dad. God puts these things on my heart and I want to share them with you. Writing is the way that I know how. God has given each of us our own way of communicating, of reflecting His glory. Some people sing, others play instruments, paint, poetry, make statues. I write. It's my way of saying I love you.
Trust is a precarious and precious thing. I've been thinking a lot about Vania lately - eating hot dogs, sleeping in my room. Vania is searching. She has this emptiness in her heart, a divine need. She feels something missing. We all feel this way. We all come across moments in our lives when we realize that we need something outside of ourselves. And we instinctively look for it from the people around us: friends, parents, siblings.
Eventually, the people around us fail to meet these needs. Even when they give us what we think we want, it doesn't meet the need. And we turn inside of ourselves. We begin to look for our own ways to meet those needs. If I can't trust you to meet my need, then I will find something that I can control.
For me, broken trust is very hard to rebuild. You and I see the world very differently. There are things that we don't understand. Huge blind spots full of pitfalls and obstacles. And we naturally know that we have to trust other people to help us through them. When those people let us down - when I let you down, that trust is broken. And our heart says that we can never trust them again.
You might like this personality test: 16 Personalities. It's kind of fun. And they make the results more understandable than what the typical test giver does reading from an instruction booklet. I came up as the Architect. I suspect that Vania would too.
Vania is searching. She can feel that something is happening. And she doesn't know what. It's something that she can't see. Something beyond her experience. So she instinctively looks for assurance, security, and love. I give her hot dogs to build trust. I let her sleep in my room to build trust. There will come a day soon when I ask Vania to do something very hard for her. And I want her to take strength and courage from her trust in me. Because I am just a poor reflection of God. Right now, Vania may be trusting me, but I am trusting God. And one day I hope to hand off Vania's relationship with me to God. One day she will trust Him too. And my responsibility is teaching her how.
The same goes for you. You were always meant to leave me. You were always meant to become an independent young woman and leave home. And my responsibility was teaching you how to trust God. I made a lot of mistakes. Instead I taught you how to withdraw into yourself. For that, I'm very sorry. I passed on my own weakness. It will take time to restore the trust that was lost. And at the same time, the nature of our relationship is changing. You can't depend on me. You were never meant to. You can depend on God. You were always meant to depend on God.
In the quiet, in the times that you're alone, practice listening. God always speaks with a calm, peaceful voice. No TV, no books, no noise, just listen. He knows what your heart needs and desires. He gave you those desires. And He has the power to make them come true. All He asks of us is to believe. This is my prayer for you. I love you.
