I think too much when I walk. Lately, I've been thinking about forgiveness and repentance. Both involve dying to the flesh, as Paul describes it. Today, my attention focused on the word dying.
Repentance is death. What do we do when someone close to us dies? We grieve. Hopefully by now you've heard the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I submit that repentance is stage 5 - acceptance.
Repentance
Repentance happens when we accept the truth - I am wrong. We pass through all 5 of these of these stages. Deny that it was wrong. There is no right and wrong. What I did wasn't wrong. And even the blatant "I didn't do it." Delusion, agnosticism, and atheism can be forms of denial.
Anger may attack, blame, or say "you do it too". Bargaining might be promises, excuses, and even accusations. Anything that manipulates the injured party into compromising on repentance. Personally, I find this stage the most difficult to perceive. I have a natural tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt. It makes me vulnerable to many forms of bargaining without realizing. This stage may often look or feel like acceptance. The difference is often only in your heart.
I don't have anything to say about the depression stage.
Acceptance means facing the truth. Jesus taught that behavior comes from the heart. Truth means both consequences and the state of your heart. Accepting the truth of who you are and how that affects the world and people around you. Once you accept the truth, you then accept the responsibility. That breeds repentance.
Repentance is about your character.
Forgiveness
Ever heard the phrase "forgive and forget"? Or the Psalm where David says that God's forgiveness pushes away our sins "as far as the east is from the west". Forgiveness is not pretending that something never happened. Forgiveness is accepting the cost even though it isn't yours. Forgiveness is about their character (the injured party).
God's forgiveness speaks volumes about His character. That's why it doesn't, in any way, depend on us. That's why bargaining is so dangerous.
Negotiation occurs between equals. By bargaining, the person who did the wrong elevates themselves. The debtor is slave to the lender. Mentally, when bargaining, we view ourselves as equal, not in debt. Not accepting responsibility for our debt.
Revisited
I stepped away for a couple of days after writing that first part. This part happened in the shower. Really, this is my idle time.
Acceptance is not repentance. Acceptance of the truth is a precursor to repentance.
A co-worker explained the meaning of dead reckoning. It's a nautical term. The navigator used landmarks and written descriptions to determine where on the coast the ship landed. Long before GPS, a ship headed out in the general direction. Stars and moon ensured they stayed going the right way. But they're imprecise. The chances of following a straight line are pretty much zero. Land fall rarely happened exactly at the port. The navigator used landmarks to identify where the ship was relative to the port they wanted.
Grief is like sailing across the ocean - a long journey across a featureless landscape. A small error in aim makes for a huge difference in destination. We can accept the wrong thing. We're off course. We have veered away from the truth.
God is truth. That's why it is so important that He walk through grief with us. Jesus experienced this same cycle of grief. Jesus was always with God. He fully accepted God's truth. He fully accepted God's grace.
Jesus took the responsibility, the obligation, of our debt to God - the damage we cause His universe - completely believing in the character of God. Jesus knew He would die. He knew God would raise Him from the dead. Because He knew that is who God is. Jesus is our example of what it looks like to accept God's grace. Jesus took responsibility for billions without ever doubting His future. Rather than demand life on His own merit, Jesus allowed God to exercise His character and generously forgive. Jesus truly understood and kept sight of God's character above His own. That blows my mind!
When I veer off course, I start to depend on my character instead of God's. We accept a lie. The lie usually comes in the early stages - denial, anger, bargaining. Sometimes depression and probably rarer in acceptance. But the lie drives us off course. And our acceptance puts us in the wrong place entirely.
This all gave new meaning to the phrase accept me for who I am. That's one of the lies. And a fairly common one. It really means accept me for who I say that I am in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. It's not acceptance at all. It's pretend. Delusion, if you will. For some reason, we like to think that if enough people share a delusion then it becomes real.
Repentance follows when we accept the truth of who we are - really are. And that' hard. Really hard.
