The therapist asks what I think. What do I think? I think emotions are like radar signals. Radar sends out this radio wave. When the wave hits something - like an airplane, it bounces back. The dishes you think of are just the receivers. The dish hears this radio wave bouncing back. And that's how they see things far away.
I think Vania has an emotional radar jammer. Radar jammers do not, as the name implies, stop the radio waves. Just the opposite, they send out more. Radar jammers transmit the same radio waves back at the receiver. The idea is to overwhelm the receiver with so many waves that it can't tell the real ones from the fake ones. Radar jamming doesn't produce a blank screen. It produces a full screen, pure white.
Vania has an emotional jammer. It sends out so many signals that obscure the real things. Vania feels intense white noise. Her emotions are always running full blast - like a completely white radar screen. A radar jammer only works over a certain distance. Eventually, the plane hiding in the jamming gets close enough that the signal bouncing back is stronger than the noise. Jamming doesn't stop radar from working. It reduces the effectiveness of the radar. Eventually, the radar signal is stronger than the interference.
When the danger or source of Vania's emotions gets bad enough, close enough, then she can see it. But farther away, it's all part of the noise. It has to be right on top of her. So what does this have to do with trust & respect?
I used to think that were the same things. But that's not true. They are very, very close. They work together. They overlap. They are very, very similar. And from a distance, with lots of noise, they look the same on an emotional radar screen. Vania's disrespect comes from a lack of trust. In her heart, in her emotions, they are the same. Because she isn't close enough to them yet to tell them apart.
Submission
Parenting isn't about obedience. It's not about compliance. It's about relationships. Relationships are built on trust. Because with trust comes respect. Yes, Vania needs to learn how behave respectfully. As her father, it is my responsibility to teach her what that looks like. What I can't teach her is how to respect. Respect is a condition of our heart. It is given as we submit and live in relationship with other people. Respect is earned. It is earned when someone else invites us to respond to something they have done for us. I have to sacrifice for Vania first. And she chooses to accept or reject the invitation.I do this through trust. As Vania trusts, she and I build a relationship. As our relationship grows, other virtues come out - respect, mercy, love. The pastor pointed out one Sunday that virtues are reciprocal. They must be given in order to be received (Matthew 5:7).
This is the give and take of a relationship. I don't want compliance from Vania. I want her to freely give. I want Vania to want me. And in order for that to happen, she must have the power to reject me. All I can do is invite. I do that by showing Vania the person God created.
This is how God loves us. Believe me, I didn't come up with this on my own. I learned it from a Father who lived it first - just like Vania learns from me. Funny how it all works together.
